Monday, 26 December 2016


So I really do envy people who can simply enjoy quietness and being alone with their own thoughts. For my quietness and being alone with my thoughts brings a steady downward spiral down the rabbit hole. The simplest of conversations can cause me to second guess a lot of what I believe in and make me so uncomfortable in my own skin. Simple comments can cut deep with no original meaning. I wish I was more comfortable in my own skin and my decisions, I’m trying to learn to be but it is the most painful process it feels like 2 steps forward and 1.75 back, looking like I’m making progress which is so infuriating as all I want to do is let go of my anxiety and live in freedom. It should be so simple. But it isn’t because I don’t really know how to do it or what it feels like. I’ve felt this way for such a long time that I don’t know what ok feel likes, what does it feel like to be comfortable in your own skin? As I’ve grown I’ve not grown into my big personality and I feel like it drowns me sometimes, I can’t keep up with who I am. I can’t keep up with who I want to be. Life is a contradiction as it moves so quickly and so slowly as everything as I don’t want comes at me at full speed and everything I do want seems so far away and almost untouchable.